We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
