i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
