whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
