They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
