My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Nicole vs. Life
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
