I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
