wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
