I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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