that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
