I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize