I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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