Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
