I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
