The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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