This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the day after is always just damage control
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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