Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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