quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
