you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
