That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
