I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
