So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
