I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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