They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
