Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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