Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
