Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
