so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
