dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
