So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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