oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Is Oprah even human
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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