So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize