textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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