If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
