Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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