sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
