It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
