Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
