remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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