it wasn't lemon gatorade
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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