i need an iv and a liver transplant
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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