Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He did a backflip because drugs
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
