I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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