we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
