Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
