either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
