My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
