I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
