i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My bed smells like the plague
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
