I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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