if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
