You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
