I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
