the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm passing your future prison.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
