why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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