Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
