Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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