All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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