even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
