i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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