and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
