I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
