Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you win again, gameday.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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