going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
