Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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