I need help removing her.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
