I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
