If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
