So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
