I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
