That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
