just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize