if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
