Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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