Are we in a gay sports bar?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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