No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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