gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
