Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
