he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize