I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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